When we use our words to tear down people rather than build them up, God is grieved.
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption.
We know that words can hurt people. But the Bible teaches us that our words have the power to grieve the Spirit of God. When we use our words to tear down people rather than build them up, God is grieved. That’s a great reason not to wound people with words.
So far this week we have seen that our words have the power either to hurt others or to build them up. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to use the power of our words to serve others as a channel of God’s grace in their lives.
The next verse in Ephesians reveals something quite astounding. It shows us that our words have additional power, perhaps more power than we would have imagined. Let’s look carefully at verses 29 and 30: “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption.”
The placement of verse 30 links it to verse 29, as does the connective “And.” Verse 30 adds more about the danger of unwholesome talk. Not only does this talk tear people down rather than building them up, but also it grieves the Holy Spirit of God. Yes, our words can actually grieve God’s Spirit.
Now this, I suggest, is both stunning and unsettling. I don’t want to hurt people with my words (except, I suppose, for times when I’m angry or hurt and want revenge). But I really, really, really don’t want to grieve the Spirit of God. Not now. Not ever.
The verb translated here as “grieve,” lupeō in Greek, means “to cause severe mental or emotional distress.” Some commentators worry about the notion that our behavior can make God feel bad, emphasizing that this is just a figure of speech. Yet, given that we are created in God’s image, and given biblical language about God’s joy and delight in us (see, for example, Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 147:11), I don’t like to avoid the plain meaning of Ephesians 4:30. Though we cannot fully comprehend it, we can actually cause the Holy Spirit to grieve. We can hurt, not just people, but even the Spirit of God. We can do so, in particular, by using unwholesome words that wound others and shatter the Christian community. When we do this, God grieves.
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