What does Jesus mean by hating those we love most in the world?
Now large crowds were traveling with him; and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”
In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus says that those who wish to be his disciples must “hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters” (14:26). Upon first reading, this can be quite distressing. What does Jesus mean by hating those we love most in the world? How is this even possible?
Luke 14:26, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.” Not only does Jesus appear to endorse hate in this verse, but also he specifically mentions hatred of one’s own mother.
Why should we believe that Jesus’s use of “hate” in this verse has more to do with priorities of affection and loyalty than despising other human beings? Well, first of all, we must remember that Jesus often used hyperbole (exaggeration) to make strong and memorable points. If we interpret his hyperbole literally, we misconstrue Jesus’s meaning. We might conclude, for example, that if we are tempted to sin by something we see, then we should actually gouge out our eyes (Matthew 5:29).
But, in addition to Jesus’s use of hyperbole, something else in the teaching of Jesus points to the fact that “hate” in Luke 14:26 has a particular and non-literal meaning. I’m referring to what Jesus said about love. He was quite clear in his teachings that we’re to love others, including our neighbors and even our enemies (see Luke 6:27, 35, 10:27). We have no reason to believe that Jesus excluded our closest relatives from the command to love. So, unless we think Jesus bluntly contradicted himself, then we’re on the right track if we think that “hate” in Luke 14:26 has a figurative meaning, something other than “feel intense dislike for.”
We are helped in our interpretation of this passage from Luke by a similar text in the Gospel of Matthew. There, Jesus talks about setting family members against each other, adding “one’s foes will be members of one’s own household” (Matthew 10:35). Then he says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). Surely, this helps us understand Jesus’s meaning in Luke 14:26. Our love for and loyalty to Jesus must be stronger than all other loves and loyalties if we’re going to be his disciples.
Now, I’ve heard teaching like this at least a dozen times in my life, probably more. I’m told I must love Jesus more than my beloved relatives. I get it. But I don’t think I live it, at least not very much of the time. So, when I’m told that I must love Jesus the most, I feel rather stuck. How am I supposed to do this? I can’t rev up love for Jesus by an act of will. At least it doesn’t seem that way. So how can I respond faithfully to Jesus’s teaching about hatred of relatives, and even life itself?
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