Have you ever said or done something when you were angry that, later on, you deeply regretted?
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
Have you ever said or done something when you were angry that, later on, you deeply regretted? I expect you have. Most people do this sort of thing. Thus, we need to hear the exhortation found in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry but do not sin.” Now, that’s clear enough, but it isn’t necessarily easy to do. We need plenty of divine wisdom to discover how we can feel and even express anger, but without doing or saying what is wrong and hurtful.
Have you ever done or said something in anger that you ended up regretting? I’ll guess the answer is yes. Just about any human being who has grown beyond infancy knows what it’s like to get mad and then do or say something unwise or unkind.
As I think back to occasions when I sinned because I was angry, I mostly remember things I said that I wished, later on, I had not said. You need the counsel of Ephesians 4:25 just as much as I do. This verse begins with a simple exhortation: “Be angry but do not sin.” It’s likely that Paul is quoting from the Old Testament, from Psalm 4:4 to be exact. The ancient Greek translation of this verse uses the same language as the Greek in our text. A literal translation reads: “Be angry and do not sin” (Psalm 4:5, LXX). Many contemporary translations and commentators argue that the Greek imperative is used more as a concession than a command. It means something like “If you are angry, though you really shouldn’t be, then don’t sin” rather than “Be angry but don’t sin.” Yet, no matter how we understand the first part of the quotation, the main point is clear. When you are angry, do not sin.
What kinds of sin follow from anger? Sometimes, physical violence, even murder. Sometimes anger leads to premeditated revenge. But mostly the sin that follows from anger is verbal. We say things in our hurt that are meant to hurt others. Sometimes the pain caused by angry words is deeper and more lasting than the pain of a physical blow.
The phrasing of verse 26, no matter how you translate it, seems to suggest that it’s possible to be angry without sinning. This may seem obvious to you, but I expect some readers might wonder about it. Isn’t anger always wrong, at least in some way?
Given how easy it is for us to let our anger be expressed in ways that hurt others, it’s a challenge to actually live “Be angry but do not sin.”
If your past experience of anger is a negative one, if anger has always been expressed in hurtful ways, then you may wonder about the statement in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry but do not sin.” Is it actually possible to feel and express anger without sinning? Or is anger always somewhat wrong? The fact that Scripture reveals God’s anger shows that being angry isn’t necessarily wrong. But, given how easy it is for us to let our anger be expressed in ways that hurt others, it’s a challenge to actually live “Be angry but do not sin.” A challenge, yes. But God is here to help us.
Ephesians 4:26 reads, “Be angry but do not sin.” The main point is simple and direct: When you are angry, don’t sin. The wording seems to imply that it is actually possible to be angry without doing something wrong. Is that true? Or is anger always wrong, at least to some extent?
I used to think anger was never okay because, quite frankly, my own experience of anger was so mixed up with sin that I couldn’t separate the two.
Given my experience of anger received and anger expressed, I used to be inclined to believe that all anger was sinful. That’s the only reality I knew. Plus, there were some verses in the Bible that appeared to support this conclusion. In Ephesians 4:31, for example, it says, “Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice.” Doesn’t this imply that all anger is wrong and should be cast away? (I’ll answer this question in a few days when we get to Ephesians 4:31.)
But one who thinks all anger is wrong comes upon the perplexing case of Jesus. The Gospels show us that our Lord became angry at times (Mark 3:5; Mark 10:14; Mark 11:15-17). Furthermore, many times throughout Scripture, God is revealed to be angry over sin and injustice (for example, Psalm 90:7-11, John 3:36). So, if Jesus, the Son of God, can be angry, and if God the Father can be angry, then anger cannot be always and intrinsically wrong. Since human beings were created in God’s image, perhaps our feelings of anger are not always wrong either.
I now believe that anger isn’t always sinful. But I am keenly aware of how often my own anger is mixed up with my sin, both in its origin and in its expression. Thus, as I heed the command of Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry but do not sin,” I find myself asking: How can I keep from sinning when I’m angry? How can I control my temper? How can I prevent myself from saying or doing things in anger that hurt the ones I love?
Ephesians 4:26 tells us not to sin when we are angry, adding “do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
It’s hard to feel and express anger without sinning. Sometimes we think that by hiding our anger we can make it go away. Or we hang onto it as a means of protection. Either way, our stored-up anger festers in us, keeping us from expressing it in a healthy way. Ephesians 4:26 tells us not to sin when we are angry, adding “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” When we acknowledge our anger in a timely way, and especially when we tell God all about it, we’re on the road to being angry without sin.
“Be angry but do not sin.” If you’re like me, you recognize the wisdom of this injunction from your own experience. You can remember times when your anger motivated you to do or say something wrong. Yes, you were angry and yes, you did sin. Perhaps in your anger you did or said something that was hurtful to another person, maybe someone you love deeply, like a spouse or a child. So, when you read, “Be angry but do not sin,” your soul cries out, “Yes. That’s fine. But how? How can I avoid sin when I’m angry?”
One answer to this question can be found in the second half of Ephesians 4:26: “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” This piece of advice, which is similar to the wisdom found among Greek philosophers as well as some ancient Jewish sages, makes the point that anger should not be stored up. When we hang on tightly to anger and don’t let go it easily turns to bitterness or vengefulness. Hoarded anger makes us more apt to sin. One way or another, our feelings of anger need to be dissipated, not stored up until we’re ready to explode.
How can we express anger in a healthy, holy way? I know from personal experience some things that don’t work. Denial and pretending don’t work. Yelling and screaming don’t work. What does work, at least at the beginning, is an honest acknowledgment of anger. If we can say to ourselves, “I am really angry about this,” it invites us to deal with our anger in a helpful way. Such openness allows us to think about our anger rather than letting it have hidden power over us. Our honesty enables us to begin to process our anger rather than pretending it isn’t there and letting it lead us into sin.
Perhaps more importantly, acknowledging our anger allows us to share it with God. The Psalms are filled with honest expressions of deep emotions, even anger directed at the Lord himself. These ancient poems and hymns encourage us to share with God what’s really going on in our hearts. When you’re feeling angry, tell God about it. Be honest. Offering your anger to the Lord is a first step to letting go of it so it doesn’t lead you into sin.
Yet there is more, I believe, that can help us not cling to our anger or give it the power to motivate us to do what’s wrong.
God can handle our anger. And sharing it with God gets us ready to share it with others in a healthy, constructive way.
There was a time when it was popular to recommend that people “get it all out on the table” when they were angry, holding nothing back. But this approach didn’t help people express their anger without sin. In fact, it often did the opposite. Ephesians 4:26 teaches us not to hold onto our anger, but to deal with it in a timely way. Often the best place to start is in prayer, telling God what we’re feeling and why. God can handle our anger. And sharing it with God gets us ready to share it with others in a healthy, constructive way.
When I was growing up in California in the 1970s, I heard people claim that the best way to deal with anger was to “get it all out on the table.” This approach to anger, which was popular in some “enlightened” circles, was known as Expressive Therapy. Some expressive therapists recommended, for example, that married couples “have it out” when they are angry. Any suggestion that you limit your expression of anger was a denial of your feelings and your absolute freedom to express them. It didn’t take too long for people to discover that such a free-for-all didn’t foster healing and often led to more hurt and, yes, even more anger.
Ephesians 4:26 might at first seem to endorse the “get it all out” approach of Expressive Therapy. This verse says, “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Doesn’t that imply that if I am angry with someone, I should let them know about it right away, certainly before sundown, without holding back?
No, it doesn’t. For one thing, the verse does not actually say, “Express your anger to the person who hurt you before sundown.” Such direct communication is surely helpful in some situations but unhelpful in others. As I mentioned previously, when we’re feeling lots of anger, it’s terribly easy for us to say hurtful things, thus doing precisely what this verse prohibits (“Do not sin”). No matter what, we should not express our anger sinfully; sometimes this means letting our feelings cool down a bit before we communicate with one who wronged us.
Moreover, the expression “Do not let the sun go down” is a poetic figure of speech, not something to be taken literally in every situation. Prosaically, it means something like “Don’t save up your anger, but deal with it soon.” It would be wrong to apply Ephesians 4:26 to every situation in an overly literalistic way. I know, for example, that when I’m very tired I’m apt to be less careful and more sinful when I express my anger. So if somebody in my family did something to make me mad in the evening, trying to express my anger before bed was not usually a good idea. (Besides, technically speaking, the sun would already have gone down. But such calculations are not the point of Ephesians 4:26.)
Still, if I don’t tell one who wronged me right away that I am angry, how can I release my anger without undue delay? In my experience, it is appropriate to share my anger even when it’s white-hot—just so long as I’m telling God about it. When someone has hurt me and I feel irate, the best place for me to start is in prayer. I don’t have to hold back with God. I don’t have to be afraid that God can’t handle my feelings. I can pour it all out, trusting in God’s grace, patience, and wisdom. Telling God exactly what I’m feeling when I’m upset helps me to gain control over my emotions and how I express them. It keeps me, in particular, from sinning.
Our passage from Ephesians offers more wisdom on how to deal with anger in a healthy way.
If we’re experiencing strong, angry feelings, it’s often difficult for us to express these in a healthy way to the person who wronged us.
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
If we’re experiencing strong, angry feelings, it’s often difficult for us to express these in a healthy way to the person who wronged us. It’s easy to let our anger lead to hurtful and sinful expressions. But sometimes what we need is the listening ear of a wise brother or sister in Christ, someone who can hear us well and help us sort out our feelings. Because we’re members of the body of Christ together, there is help available when our anger is powerful and we’re in danger of sinning when we deal with it.
Yes, we are not to let the sun go down on our wrath in a metaphorical sense. We mustn’t let our anger putrefy within us for days, months, or even years. And, yes, we do need to confront directly someone who has wronged us. But the proper timing for such a conversation requires more than a legalistic sundial.
I also suggested that one of the best ways of dealing with anger, even in the midst of white-hot feelings, is telling God about it. With the Lord we find the safety to expose our souls without fear. We can trust God with what is hidden inside of us, even if it isn’t pretty. God is big enough, wise enough, and gracious enough to handle it.
But God has also given us something incarnational to help us when we’re angry. This something is easily missed when Ephesians is read by people from individualistic cultures—such as the American culture in which I was raised, for example. You see, Paul’s counsel in verse 26 comes on the heels of verse 25. Here’s how the whole passage from verse 25 through verse 27 reads: “So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.”
How does verse 25 help us when we are angry? It reminds us that we are part of the body of Christ. When I’m angry with someone, this is not just my business or that person’s business. Rather, it is the business of the body of Christ. Therefore, if I am feeling angry and need to find a way to tone down my angry feelings before I speak with one who has hurt me, I might turn to a fellow member of the body. I could speak truthfully to this person about what I’m feeling and why. To be sure, this person must be mature enough to avoid a gripe session or gossip fest. But a good listener not only allows me to calm down but also helps me see things from a fresh perspective and decide how best to seek reconciliation with the one who wronged me.
Not long ago I experienced this very thing. Someone close to me hurt me, or at least that’s how it felt to me. I was angry. By God’s grace, I avoided the temptation to dash off an email. (Rule of thumb: When angry, never use email. That’s a terrible way to put Ephesians 4:26 into practice.) Rather, I shared my feelings with my wife, who made sure I talked with a wise brother in Christ. He listened well. He helped me see things I had missed. By the time I got off the phone with him, I felt considerably calmer and, to be honest, more aware that the wrong I had experienced was not nearly as bad as I had felt it to be. I was finally ready to express my feelings to the brother who had hurt me in a way that was healthy and honoring to God. The result was reconciliation with the brother and even a deeper and more committed relationship. I’m so thankful I got help before I shared my feelings with him.
So, if you’re feeling anger toward someone so strongly that it would be hard for you not to sin if you confronted that person directly, let me encourage you to share what you’re feeling with the Lord and also with a mature, discreet brother or sister in Christ. After all, we are all members of one body. We are here to help each other live faithfully as followers of Jesus.
Expressions of anger often lead to deeper division and greater pain.
We are well aware of the human power of anger. Anger can move people to do things or say things they would never otherwise do or say. Expressions of anger often lead to deeper division and greater pain. Ephesians 4:27 reveals that anger has more than just human power, however. It can be used by the spiritual forces that oppose God to hurt people, foster injustice, and oppose the good work of God in the world. Thus, we need to deal with our anger in a healthy, holy way so that the spiritual power of anger doesn’t break free.
Ephesians urges us not to sin when we are angry and not to let our anger smolder away without finding healthy ways to deal with it. Why? Why is anger such a problem? Why should we work to resolve our feelings of anger, especially when this process is often uncomfortable? Why not just let our anger dissipate without paying attention to it?
Certain feelings of anger can disappear in time more or less automatically. If somebody cuts you off on the highway and you feel angry, chances are your anger will go away in a few miles. You don’t generally need to track down the offending driver and talk it through.
This can also seem to be the case with deeper feelings of anger, the pain that comes when you have been seriously hurt by another person. As time passes, you no longer feel upset. Perhaps you can even be with the one who hurt you without bringing up what happened in the past or remembering it. But in my experience as a pastor—and as a human being—anger that comes from major offenses doesn’t actually vanish as if by magic. Rather, it hides, smoldering away, corroding our souls. Then without warning our anger can explode from the embers. Often that anger blasts, not the one who hurt us originally, but rather someone else who doesn’t deserve the outburst we can’t control. Experience suggests that simmering anger can cause great injury to relationships in family, church, work, and community.
I expect the Apostle Paul might agree with what I’ve just said, but that’s not the way he puts it in our text. Rather, in Ephesians 4:27 he writes, “do not make room for the devil” (4:27). Unresolved anger opens up a “space” for the devil to dwell in us and in our relationships. Smoldering anger provides a secure foothold for Satan to do his work of dividing, distressing, and distracting us.
It’s important for us to know that festering anger has the power to hurt and not just human power. The spiritual forces that oppose God and his people can and will use anger to cripple us so that we are unable to experience the joy of God’s grace and to share this grace with the world. Therefore, we must be committed to dealing with our anger in a healthy, faithful, and God-honoring way. God will help us by the power of the Holy Spirit to express our anger so as to build up rather than to tear down, to foster reconciliation rather than deeper division.
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